he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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