You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
