On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
