Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza