I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.