Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus