Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????