My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
