Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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