I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
