found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
