The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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