as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
