we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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