Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
