Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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