Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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