I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
