Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
