Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
