they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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