I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
