good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
