I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
