I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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