You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
