Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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