Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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