I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit