I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
