I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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