it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess