I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.