I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
