You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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