DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
