Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
