just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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