its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
