Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
