I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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