So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
