So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
