That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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