My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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