I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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