Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
