i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A bitchslap is in order.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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