Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
