the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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