3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
