The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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