when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
