If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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