Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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