I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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