Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
