did you get engaged???
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
