and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
