your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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