Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
