I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
