you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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