return my video game
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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