I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
