i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
