we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize