I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
