I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
