I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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