I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
