the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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