ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Two words: blizzard sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
