I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
