When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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