I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
