I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
