I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
