I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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