fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
