I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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