Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
