I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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