yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
