Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
