I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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