I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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