He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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