The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize