I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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