I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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