you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
