I hate your face
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
