So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
